Written by Maria Iskander
There are so many highlights growing up in the Coptic Church. From reverent Liturgies, supportive clergy, uncompromising dogma, and joyful hymns that fill worship with life and depth, the Coptic Church stands out. The Coptic Church is different from other churches. It is a pure faith that has brought truth; and continues to impact the community and the world.
I could revel in the Coptic Church’s beauty and timeless nature until the end of my days. However, as the title suggests, I want to consider one of the most prominent limitations of our Coptic Church: the judgmental mentality.
You know the one.
The random woman or man in your local church. A person old enough to be your parent. The nosy auntie or the weird uncle, but nowhere near close enough to have your trust. Yet, for some reason, these same individuals - God bless their souls - think they have the right to get something out of you. So, they demand to know how you are doing at school, at work, at church. Then, they pick apart your timeline to get a Coptic verified job - doctor and the like, ‘get married’ (sometimes they take it so far as to tell you who they’d recommend) or ‘have kids’.
Now I could go on about the many intrusive topics that these busy bodies ask about, but for now I will focus on the “W” word: weight.
If society nationally and globally was not hard enough, the judgement of Coptic Egyptians on your weight is a whole other level of toxic. Think about it now. How many times has that random woman or man approached you about your appearance? You know the scripts and have probably heard one or more of them - if you are so lucky!
The “You look great, have you lost weight?” question. After all, looking great due to a good night’s sleep, a work promotion, earning a high grade, recovery of health etc., is near impossible to consider. So, it must be weight loss! Am I right?
Next, you may hear the opposite statement, “Oh no, you gained weight!”. Because if you did not know already, gaining weight will dictate your level of likeability, and you should feel guilty about it. Yes, you read that right.
Instead of people modelling what we should be feeling guilty about, i.e. being a mean person, lying, excluding people, living selfishly etc.; we are taught to feel guilty about eating or not eating certain foods and the impact our metabolism has on us.
Then, you have the “You should go on a diet”. Whether the comment is about gaining or losing weight, the ‘diet’ word implies to you that you must worry about food. God forbid that you should put your energy and focus into better things - particularly things that pertain to eternal life.
In this holy year of 2020, it could be months since people have last seen you, and you them. So, it is my hope that you receive and give warm welcomes and check ins - not a sticker of approval or disapproval based on weight. No matter how often these comments manifest through ‘pure intent’, it often leads to comparison and shame. It discounts the risk of confusing a person’s size with their health; especially when you and I do not even know half the story of that individual’s health history.
So, “Why does this matter to the Coptic Orthodox church?”, you may ask.
Well, it matters because countless times at church, I have overheard girls as young as eight years old talking about a new fad diet. What hurt more was that all of them were my former Sunday school students.
I cannot even tell you how many times I have observed women after the Divine Liturgy commenting about someone’s weight loss, weight gain, and a new fad diet. Nor can I tell you the numerous instances where youth boys have calorie counted and restricted themselves during Church Agape meals, in order to maintain their ‘gains’.
This made me think about how long we can take this, before we truly start to believe that people are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ based on what they look like and eat? Because the eight-year-old girls that you serve in Sunday school, to the gym obsessed male youth with body dysmorphia, need you to be better. I need you to be better.
Apart from bringing urgency and irony to the food and body preoccupation; we must challenge these lies and proactively ditch the judgmental culture for good.
The first step to achieve this is to recognize that the war is not against your body, but your spirit. Therefore, by practicing worship, prayer, and the study of God’s word, we can overcome body dissatisfaction, preoccupation with food, and obsession with exercise. As a result, we can lead the way for Coptic Egyptians to be motivated to think and care about their bodies for the purpose of stewardship i.e. serving others.
The second step calls for wisdom. We need to be realistic. Not everyone can go to the gym every day, and not everyone can adopt the same diets. Nor is it even necessary! Food and the ability to move your body is a gift from God. Wisdom ascertains that like any good gift, food and exercise must be enjoyed. So, carry the wisdom to hold to your convictions about food with ignorant people. Understand and recognize (as St Paul did with the Corinthian church) that it’s an area open to a variety of convictions. To put it simply, you and I must take the lead of exuding wisdom in our conversations; and thereby mitigate any grounds for judging others.
The third and final step to keep in mind, is an attitude of patience. To be patient is to fix your attention on God, wait to recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it. By doing this, you can overcome the Coptic Egyptian culture that drags you down to its level of immaturity. What is more, you will experience God developing a well-formed maturity in you; so that you can better serve, love, and bless others.
Like so many important journeys, the transition to adopting and then practicing these three steps, is not and will not, be easy. But it is, and always will, bring the best out of you- making it worth it.
Now, more than ever, the church community - both you and I - must be pioneers in ending judgement based on physical features. By doing so, by God’s grace, you and I will become part of the solution to this issue. This will provide Coptic Egyptians a newfound freedom from the bondage of food and body judgement.
Maria Iskander is a woman of God with a fiery spirit, positive mindset and stubborn personality. She has loved writing since childhood. Now, at 23 years of age, she has released numerous poems, blogs, lyrics; and most recently a book that delve into the mind of St Athanasius of Alexandria.
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