Disclaimer: The Coptic Narrative Project has written consent to interview and write the story of this individual and their family anonymously. The names and face revealing pictures of real people will not be used.
Family was the focus of our lives. Our family all lived next door to one another. My father’s house was in the middle, and my paternal uncles’ houses were on either side of ours.
My mother and father treated me and the rest of my siblings in the best way possible. My father graduated from a prestigious university, established by the British. He graduated from accounting and business, and later worked in reviewing documents and finances for the government in Sudan.
We never had to worry about financial precarity, as my father worked well. His side of the family worked with the Mahdi, which awarded them financial stability. When the Mahdi left, they had allowed for my father’s family to keep their money, since they always had a good working relationship with one another. My grandfather had secured intergenerational wealth.
Baba had bought land beside his mother’s house. At the time, the government had wanted that land and offered him a different plot of land farther away from his mother’s house. My grandmother, or habobti, came up with a plan along with her three sons. They would build on that land so that her children would not have to buy property or pay rent elsewhere. They would remain close to one another. She was a strong and smart woman. She determined the budget of the house, collected income from her children, and conducted the affairs of the house, all while managing the responsibilities of being a married woman. They built the house and built on the land around her house for his sons.
The houses were large and fit us all, even my uncle with his 5 children! This showed how well connected the family was and how much we all cared for one another. Love was always first at home. They were my family, my siblings. Even now, in diaspora, we always call and stay in-touch.
I loved all my family, even the wives of my uncles. I would help them clean their house. One of my aunts and I loved to talk, and I would help her with work. I loved her as my own mother. When I got married, the wife of my uncle sewed all of my clothing for the marriage. I even remember her brushing my hair after I got out of the shower.
The family was very close knit. We would never fight or get upset. If we did, Habobti was just. She would bring together those who were upset, and help them to reconcile and make up. The family was very empathetic in that way. If I were to even say, “Ow, my head hurts,” you would find the entire household around me, upset for me and trying to make me feel better.
Only peace and kindness were allowed in the house, nothing else.
Habobti was always fasting and praying. My uncles would wake us up in the morning with the sound of their hands clapping, calling us all to pray together. After praying as a family, we would all go about our day. Religion was essential in the home.
One Kiahk/Christmas Season, when it was so cold that we were unable to walk to church for Kiahk praises, my uncles would gather all of us in the guestroom. It connected all the brothers’ houses when the doors were opened, and we would gather in front of an icon. All the men, women, children, and Habobti would host Kiahk.
We were our own little church.
Once we had completed the praises, we all headed in for bedtime. What amazing days those were!
My uncles were a blessing. Although the youngest brother would love to joke and attend soirees/wedding receptions, the elder brothers would only attend the church ceremony and then go home and sleep. They did not drink alcohol at all. They were strict about those things.
I remember when I was young, I would play in the streets with my cousins - both boys and girls. We would do everything together: walk to school and back together, play together, eat together, and sleep next to one another. We were not allowed to play with anyone outside of the family. This was a safety concern for the grown ups and how things were back in those days.
Everyone stuck to their own family and their own house.
At that time, most of us were Muslim and Christian. Our Muslim neighbours treated us very well; they looked after us and we them. But there were limits. We were only friends in school or from afar. We were not allowed to go into their homes or to eat with them. We had respect for one another, yes, even for our Christian neighbours. We saw one another at church, but after church everyone would return to their homes and their families. At that time we did not have a lot of free time, as there were a lot of responsibilities around the house. Take food, for instance. There were no restaurants, so we had to make all the food at home. Also, laundry was done by hand during those times.
I specifically remember walking to the souq (market) with all my cousins, when we were over 10 or 12 years of age, buying the fresh produce for the day. I was never permitted to go anywhere by myself; I was always in a group.
My family would always tease that I was one of the boys, since I enjoyed playing cards with them and going out to the souq with them for errands.
On Fridays, my siblings and cousins would come home from school and tackle the loads of laundry. Everyone had a bowl and would begin to wash; my job was to wring out the washed cloth. Us girls would wash the boys’ and the rest of the family’s laundry, as this was what was expected of us. Our weekends were Saturdays and Sundays, according to the British laws. Saturdays were cleaning days and Sundays we would go to church and finish any homework.
This all changed once the girls reached the age of 15. We were no longer permitted to play in the streets, make our daily trips to the souq, nor leave the home besides going to church and school. The family’s reason was that they now feared more for the girl's safety, since she was older and more prone to being kidnapped or taken away from the family.
During the time of the Anglo-Egyptian rule, life was great and, most importantly, it was safe. Food prices were low and the country had a lot going for it. Sudan was filled with a lot of khare (blessings). Cotton was a popular export and fueled the economy. Sudanese Cotton was so well known that the British would export it to their own country/colonies. Now-a-days, Sudan no longer plants cotton, much to the people’s, and the economy’s, dismay.
My education was different from the boys, since girls had to get a specific education. My eldest sister wanted to study nursing, since other girls in her class had entered nursing and she wanted to join them. But our family refused. My father was willing but Habobti was the one against it. She reasoned that a woman cannot go away from the family to learn, especially by herself. This was Habobti’s way of showing her that she cared and worried for her. She was scared of the gathering of men and women. This was a shared concern all over society. Even within the church, the girls and boys were separated. Girls would go to church on Thursdays and boys on Fridays. Sunday school would be together until the girls reached the age of 12. When I had my own children, this was no longer a thing.
The boys in the family - really boys in general - did not like to study a lot. They would finish high school and go find work. I understand English very well because we were taught according to the British standards. Our high school education was akin to current university education in Sudan now. I was fortunate enough to have been in a British school. Now, the schools in Sudan are taught in Arabic and do not hold a candle to the education that I received.
Once the girls grew up and became of age, the engagements and marriages followed swiftly. The first of my siblings to be engaged was my eldest sister. The second was my second eldest sister. Then it was my turn. I was the third to be engaged. It was tradition to not marry the younger sisters before the older ones. The order of birth was also the order of marriage; this tradition still continues in some places. My sisters and I were all married within months of one another. I was 14 when I was engaged and got married at 15. My husband was 24 years old at that time.
My wedding photo.
I did not finish high school, since I got married right away. I never attended university or had a job. Once I had my children, 3 beautiful kids, and when they grew up a little, I had decided to work. I spoke with my husband and he simply replied, “If you want to work, then go work.” My brother-in-law had found me a job.
Family portraits with some of my children and Husband.
My grandmother, however, was against me working. Her words/decisions were usually held in high regard and implemented. But since I was a married woman, I would move according to my husband’s word. She would still advise me, but I (along with my husband) had the final say. My 5 year old daughter would come home with my 10 year old daughter, and find the food already prepared. The eldest, my son, was at a different school so he would come back home at a different time. We were able to figure out a schedule, as a family.
At that time, and even now, as I am surrounded by my loved ones, family continues to be the most important thing in our lives.
This Oral History Interview was translated and transcribed by Mary Beshay.
For more information on Sudanese History and Coptic Sudanese History:
Comments